By OWEN ELLIS, Contributor

IT IS VERY hard to be a man! (I have been trying all my life). No, I really don't wish to be a woman, but I must confess that I often envy women. You see, women don't experience the pressures that we men go through just to fit in. A man has to constantly prove that he is a real man, and almost everything we do is used to either confirm our masculinity or bring it into question. If a woman decides that she wants to focus totally on her chosen career and displays little or no interest in being a parent, she may be lauded for being a modern, progressive, woman. If a man does the same thing we accuse him of being afraid of responsibility. Nothing but crosses. A woman in a crowded room is asked if she has a boyfriend. "No mi dear, man is nothing, but crosses! Me nuh have no use fi dem," she replies. And she is greeted with a chorus of approval, and nods of empathy.Imagine a man declaring publicly that he has no use for women! Police would have to rescue him.

Girls who behave like tomboys are accepted and tolerated, sometimes even admired. "That's my daughter the football player, yu si how her calf dem tough! No bwoy cyan man-handle her!" beams a proud father. But the poor boy that happens to be gentle, delicate or slightly effeminate is teased, ostracised and harassed all his life! We hear regularly about how men are worthless and careless and uncouth, but the man who speaks well, dresses decently, acts politely (and smells good) is viewed with suspicion. A woman actually complimented me once on my attire, then immediately turned the compliment into an expression of doubt about my sexuality. "Gee Blakka, you look nice. I love how those shoes match your belt, and your shirt, pants and socks are so well coordinated colour-wise. Only gay men dress that well." No wonder most men just give up and dress like ragamuffins.

It is hard to be a man, especially when it comes to matters of sex and relationships. We are always expected to make the first move; we are expected to finance the dates, and we are under pressure to perform exceptionally well in bed. If a man has difficulty reaching an orgasm he accepts that he has a medical problem and seeks help, but if a woman cannot reach her climax, it is the man's fault. Not fair. A woman who wishes to practice contraception has a multiplicity of options: pill, loop, coil, diaphragm, injection, rhythm method etc. The only option a man has is the c. And don't tell me nonsense about abstinence. That is not an option; that is punishment. And women can be aroused sexually without any obvious physical signs. They can stand in public and smile coyly without anyone discovering that they are feeling 'woozy'. Not so for us guys. We have a 'member' with a mind of its own, who will decide to 'take a stand' at the most unlikely times, forcing us to walk with a crouch or to stick both hands in our pockets in an often vain attempt to hide the most obvious physical proof that it is indeed hard to be a man!